I've never experienced romantic-love heartbreak. I'm not sure I've experienced romantic love. All those movies and TV shows and pop songs are alien to me; flirting and dating and falling in love were never part of my personal narrative. I married the first person I had any sort of "romantic" relationship with, because I was … Continue reading How a Heart Gets Broken
Last year, I took my first yoga class after a six-year hiatus. I love being not-quite-a-beginner in classes. I love moving with other people. But the thing that has stuck with me for the past seven months was one teacher's correction: In downward-facing dog, "bring your ribs back inside your body." How strange, I thought. … Continue reading Embody
"...60% of your blood volume." "...not clotting..." "...buckets of blood." "You really scared us." "We almost lost you." But I wasn't there in the first place. I'm so confused. I knew it was an emergency situation. When the paramedics wheeled me out of my front door, down the front lawn and into the ambulance, I … Continue reading What Was Lost
My hand plunging into a stiff plastic bag, over and over and over. Salty fingers, hand-to-mouth, chewing, not tasting, touching, not feeling, over and over and over again. Eating without eating. My naked body spread out like raw chicken on the bed, get it over with get it over with get it over with. Alleged … Continue reading A Starved Heart
I want to take a bath in your voice. I want to stretch out in it, or stand under it like a waterfall and wash my hair in it. I want to enter into your voice slowly, like walking into a lake, your long vowels on my body. I want to wade in to heart-height … Continue reading Sound Poem
I've been on an etymology kick lately. Roots of words feel more meaningful than definitions, which seem to change with the linguistic seasons. So I've decided to cultivate joy. Embrace joy. Find out what I'm like as a person by figuring out what brings me joy. But what is joy, anyway? The dictionary definition links … Continue reading What is “Joy,” Anyway?
Early last year, I was doing recovery well. I was moving in non-punishing ways. I was drinking my water, and eating balanced meals. I wasn't binge-eating. You know what else I wasn't doing? Anything else. I'm not kidding. I had no dates with friends. I went to ballet class a couple times a week, and therapy … Continue reading Doing Recovery